today would have been his 24th birthday. he always thought he was so much older than the rest of us- even if we were the same age or a year or two younger. We were 'kids' compared to him.
one thing i remember about him that goes back to when i first got to know him is he loved superman. he thought that he was superman. the rest of us would just stand there and laugh with him about it...knowing fully that he wasn't. but in a few ways, he was...
whenever we were out doing something he would stand behind us all to make sure we got wherever we were going ok. he would lead the way when necessary. he once caught a girl right before she would have fallen over a waterfall; without a thought about himself. he would laugh when we did something stupid, in fact, he would collapse. he told us it was medical, but that being so very hard to believe we would laugh at him until he regained control of his body. whenever we saw a movie he would want to be whatever the main character was. "i always wanted to be a treasure hunter!!" "I wanna be a jedi!!" "I wanna be batman- swoop over all of Potsdam!!"
he was a good listener. he would sit and talk with whomever, about whatever for as long as it took. many a night we would stay up late and talk about our life plans, goals and dreams- where we would be in ten years. we'd talk about cars. we'd talk about smallville. we'd talk about investing. we had more in common than either one of us would ever admit, and we had our differences.
last year we took a ski trip to vermont the day after christmas. when i started talking about the trip this year, a fleeting thought skipped across the forefront of my mind- i wanted to ask him what he thought about this particular date, which slopes we should hit, what car we should drive down. but he won't be with us in VT this year; and he will be missed. very missed.
there are more memories than i can write, more sayings that i can capture, and more of an influence than i can explain. but something that always stood out- he loved God, and would tell everyone that he did. he was a man of God- a prayer warrior- our brother. he would stand up and make the hard call when needed. he had a vision for missions, for the peope around him, and for any and all lost souls.
he is missed terribly. i am sobered by the thought of his passing everytime it's recalled. i'm humbled to think that there's a torch to be carried- a race to be run. we won't forget that, Chris. we love you as a brother, admire you as a leader, and treasure you as a friend. today would have been your birthday, and that makes it a hard day. we would have been at a party with you tonight.
but we will not mourne in your death- we will rejoice in your life. we love you always and forever.
"sown in weakness; raised in strength."
my randomness
-why does eating make your nose run?-why do your eyes hurt if you look at your computer screen for too long?-why does... "a leaf falls, but never hits the ground" ?-why does a seagull explode when you feed it alka-seltzer, but it makes a person feel better?-why does a person that specializes in an area of work never have that done in their own home?-why is turkey a classic thanksgiving dinner and not grouse or pheasant?
missing.
more times than i can count in a day, something happens to make me think of him. a song comes on the radio. i eat his favorite food. i see his dream car. i see his name, picture, and phone # in my cell. (can't get myself to delete it) i want him back. i want him to walk through the door to my apt and say "what's up kids!" but i know that's not going to happen. but i find myself wishing. wishing that all the memory building wasn't over. wishing that all the memories that have been built could be laughed over with him.what happened was wrong. wrong in so many ways. but i loved him, cared about him, and tears still stream through my eyes more than i can count in a week because of it. i thought there would be healing. i thought there would eventually be a point where i wouldn't have to cry anymore and could just laugh about the good ol' times. but if that time is eventually going to come, it definately hasn't arrived yet. will it ever? or will it be like this always? tears stream down my face as i read over this before clicking 'post'- and wishing that in the single click of a key he could be right here next to me. right here.
for the love...
things i love: (in no particular order)faithful friends. crisp fall air. my wife. coyote quesadillas. hockey. smallville. poker. leather furniture. old pictures. electronics. family history. 24. grapes. my nephew and neice. blessing people. accountability. water. porches'. g-mail. candles. the invention of the shower. green. good music. new believers. reconciliation. steak. the lord. who am i.
the relics of my day
a million rushing thoughts. thoughts about chris. thoughts about life. thoughts about my time. thoughts about my home. thoughts about my responsibilities as a husband. thoughts about...i need peace. life is rushing so fast all around me, and sometimes i just need to be. and at the same point i find it hard because i feel so many areas of life pulling at me and my time. so where do i go from here?i find peace in the father. in knowing that he loves me, is watching over me, is providing for me, and guarding my every step. in knowing that there is an eternal destiny that has been placed over my life that i am going to fulfill. i will accomplish what has begun in me, and i will influence many people. i am that determined. i am that determined to not let the devil have his way with me, my life, my family, my friends, and my destiny. i am that determined because i know that there is a call to answer, a race to be run, a torch to be carried, an everlasting plan that is not fulfilled.....and i will do my part.
poker
you know what i hate- when you play poker all through the game with reason, then when it starts to get late your brain starts to play tricks on you. you're down to the last three, then you decide that you should go all in on big slick. before you know it you're pretty much out because someone met you with a 5-7 suited- and got a flush. then you go all in again with your few remaining chips, and they beat you with trips....you had a really good two pair. (both the 'all-ins' were even before a flop) oh well- that's what poker's about i suppose. but i hate not reasoning- it takes away from my game!! all that work all night for an all in stupid hand- then another. stupid thoughts.
hurts
last night at work a lady came through the door and i proceeded to walk over to ask her if she needed help. before one word was uttered however, i knew she was going to have an attitude about her. and she did. a few minutes into our conversation i could already tell that she had been hurt in the past- by what i didn't know- but she had put a wall up to any male around her. (makes talking to her a whole lot harder!) i was never right, and she was never wrong. at least that's the way she viewed it; regardless of whether or not i actually got paid to do this for a living. the one thing that kept going through my mind as i was talking to her though was i was wishing that for just one second i could put her back to before when she was hurt- so she could see what it's like to live without that pain; without useless weight holding her down. nothing i said in the hour and a half that she was with me changed her countenance, and my actions at work are limited in conversation with her. she called back this morning and for a second it sounded as though she was normal- then her guard went right back up. i only hope that she might see something in me that would bring healing.a friend told me this morning that when i call and leave a message, that friend does indeed call me back. (after i said on the voicemail that it was pointless to leave a message as i knew i'd have to make the next phone call if i ever wanted to get in touch) when was never specified- it could be months down the road but i did get a call back. i said that next time i leave a message i'll be a little more specific- some time in the next decade would be helpful!! random.
the new beast! didn't catch that daylight picture, but you can see the color here... totally unique. totally a box. our little toaster.
this one too. totally public :)
yes, these are indeed out for the public to view. we still love you.
blessings
we got our new car today- tomorrow in the sunlight i'll try to take a couple pics to post. :) ok, so maybe you're not as excited as we are, but it's still fun. it's a blessing to have a car that's going to fulfill some of our needs right now- good gas mileage for liz, safety, and of course...hot looks. goes right along with her. we were on our way to purchase a baby grand piano tonight and then we found out the lady had sold it right out from under us. bummer. oh well- i'm trusting that maybe there was something wrong with it or we just weren't supposed to buy it right now for some other strange reason. but it's still a bummer. it's hard to think of how she could do that- when she had guaranteed us that we would have the first show of it, then BAM- gone. the first baby grand that we can afford too!we had worship practice tonight and i was reminded of how much i appreciate our church- the leadership qualities that alot of people display, the transparent worship (and usually also worship that won't kill a musicians ear!) and the bonds of friends that are established. we are truly blessed. that's one of the biggest things i would miss if we ever moved away- the church and my family. i could find a new job, a new house, or anything else- it would be those two.
another beautiful crisp fall day. is it weird that when i say crisp my mind automatically wanders to granny smith apples? kind of like when i say thirty, my mind wanders to max. :) heheso you're really feeling good about yourself, then suddenly bam- you pay the bills for the month. the money you had in the checking account suddenly vanishes in a few key strokes and you start saving all over again. it reminds me that this world is just temporary though, and what really matters can't be taken away in a single keystroke. eternal. eternal forgiveness. eternal life. eternal destiny..... i love being a child of God.it's late and i'm tired. night'.
